Monday, August 12, 2013

I'm baaaaaaacck!!!!!!!!

Hello again everyone! It's been a whilst, hasn't it! As you will all know, I took a very long break from posting due to silly bitchiness, and the fear of the previous girls who had found this blog and made a hooha out of it would find it once again (even though I changed the URL, and sadly had to lose a few of my lovely readers who weren't following :(  ) and make even more of a fuss, thus notifying the 2.8% of my schools population that weren't already aware of this little slice of the interweb, aware of its presence. Okay, maybe a slight explanation.

You can find out the whole long winded story here if you wish, but I'm not going to write anything else of that matter on here in the future or even update to the current situation unless I feel the need to, which I simply do not at this moment and time as everything is reasonably ok and I am a strong believer of 'whats in the past is in the past, and nothing you can do will change that'

I've been very busy lately, which is why I haven't posted since I explained the whole thing, but now plan on writing as many posts as I can within the next week and uploading them whenever possible, and then there will be another temporary break as I'm off to California for a few weeks! Yipee! *que massively over excited 14 year old girl moment*

So I just wanted to do this quick post, to let everyone know and thank my lovely loyal readers who've continued to follow me and send me inspiring emails throughout this boring no posting period! You really are all very lovely and I'm hugely grateful!!

Much love, hugs and kisses to you all, stay tuned for more posts soon to come!xox

Monday, May 27, 2013

It's gunna get a whole lot worse before it gets better

You know those days, when you get up and everything just feels like a battle? You have no motivation, no inspiration and just cant bring yourself to do anything. And then, there are those days where the whole world seems to be against you. Sometimes it feels like you aren't getting anywhere; your stuck in a rut. It's as if nothing is going to change. Those girls are still going to bitch about you and be nasty, their patheticness is going to last forever. That boy, he's never going to like you. Your parents are never going to stop nagging you to clean your room or do some pointless job for you. You're grades are going to be hopeless until you finish school. Those teachers will never understand.

You get the point.

But the truth is, things do get better. They DO change, in the end! There's no way of telling how long its going to be until that day, unfortunately. Yes, most of the times if you think you're in a bad situation things are going to get a whole lot worse before you get better. Especially if it's self inflicted. But you just have to remember they do get better! You are going to be faced with a million battles and hundreds of bad days. But without those bad days, you wouldn't appreciate what a good day feels like! Without having to face those battles, you would live your life unchallenged and probably feel 100% dissatisfied when you are lying on your death bed.

Sometimes you gotta fall before you fly. That's just the way it is. You have to have bad days before you can have good ones. You have to fight battles before you can celebrate the victory. But the most important thing is to remember this: There ARE going to be good days. Things ARE going to change. It DOES get better. That victory IS coming. And most importantly of all, you WILL someday fly.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Where oh where have I been?

Hello there bloggerinos! I am back! It has been almost two months since my last blog post, and I feel like I most definitely owe you all and explanation as to why I appear to have disappeared off the face of the earth/net!

Well, to cut a long story short a 'friend' who I trusted to the end of the earth and back betrayed me, and told my other friends about this blog, knowing that I had some very personal things on here. She did this purely out of spite, and has hurt me more than words could possibly describe. But hey, that's another post all together! So she told them all, and they went on to have a look. Obviously, there was an anonymous post where I vented about one of the girls a few months back when I was really annoyed, on top of various other little mentions and whatnot.

The group of girls all read this, and decided to confront me about it in a 4 on 1 very intimidating situation. And from that day onwards, they've been making my life hell. In total, there are now 10 girls who they have gotten involved, all of them with absolutely nothing to do with the situation and who have all only heard one (Most probably infatuated to near death) side of the story. And they have decided to make it their little mission to completely ruin me.

Now, I know what I did was wrong. I shouldn't have said stuff like that on somewhere with even the slightest possibility of the person it was about being able to see- it would have been really hurtful for the girl to read that about herself. But, nevertheless- it was months ago. I have been using this blog like a diary, and using it to vent. It is 10000000% anonymous, and I didn't even use real names! I can understand why she would be hurt and angry with me- but she has now went on to get the rest of the girls to fight her battles for her, and they have all turned against me and been hellbent on making my life a misery.

And as for the girl who told them- well she's been one of the worst! Let me first explain- me and the girl who knew about my blog (she also had one herself) were very close. It was always us two against the other two- we would laugh at their ridiculous immature behaviour at times, and were grateful to have each other. We shared jokes about them, and now everything that I have ever said to her on a one to one basis has been reported back to the girls by this girl. She has without a doubt been the most two faced person- and after we were supposedly so close! It has really hurt me, and I sincerely doubt I will be able to trust anyone in the near future! The other girls take the piss out of her so much and just the other day, they put paint all over her self portrait in art. Just one example of that so called 'friendship'!

I will tell you the truth- I'm pretty grateful now that I am out of that group! Whilst I may not be in a close group of friends just yet, it has given me the chance to see (the hard way) What horrible people they are. It wasn't a friendship- they are all permenantly bitching about one another behind each others backs! I think for teenage girls, bitching and gossiping is a given- but not about youre own so called 'best friends!' Also, they are always being mean to people. And that is really not the type of person I want to be!

My life in school over the past three weeks has not been easy. They've been hiding my stuff, laughing at me, saying stuff loudly to try and aggravate me, locking me out of classrooms and every other pathetic immature little trick in the book. But I've got through it! I am not letting them get to me! One time, I snapped at one of the girls and called her a pathetic immature little bitch. But I was so furious- it was either going to be saying that or slapping her!! And I do think I chose the right option!

So, I've been trying to keep my head down and not post anything for a whilst, and have had to change my url :( But for those of you who have found me again, welcome back!! I'm going to carry on posting as usual now, and I really don't give two fucks what they think :)

See you all soon!!!

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Oh, the glorious pro ana community

To put it simply, I am no stranger to the lovely world of eating disorders. I really don't feel ready to post my story just yet as I feel as if it is something that I'm still coming to terms with and getting my head around, but I am pretty sure I will post about it in the future.

Something that continues to make me sick (just realised the irony of that; I promise you it was typed with absolutely NO pun intended) is the 'pro ana' movement in social media, such as tumblr, instagram, twitter etc. For those of you lucky people who are blissfully unaware of what pro ana means, it is the promotion of anorexia. This is done by using images and slogans, such as 'anorexia is a lifestyle, not an illness' and 'a moment on the lips, forever on the hips' to name the most innocent. And as for the pictures, well I feel that in itself would be promoting and exposing this disgusting topic to further lengths.

Members of the delightful pro ana community endorse anorexia and bulimia as desirable, share crash/fad dieting tips and tricks, compete in their weight loss, commiserate with each other after binging or breaking fast, advice on laxative use or how to best induce vomiting, glamorise the illnesses of anorexia and bulimia to vulnerable young girls, post their weight and body measurements as motivation, and post thinspo ('thinspiration) images to further glamorise eating disorders.

Now let me point out, This blog post is possibly going to be triggering to any of you out there with eating disorders. And it is something that I'm really getting fired up about for one simple reason- pro ana sites have over the past few years ruined aspects of my life. They have distorted my view of healthy and attractive, and plummeted my self esteem levels to an all time low. It is something that I'm trying so hard to change at the moment, and I quite frankly would like to shut down every single pro ana site out there and slaughter all of their publishers (I will explain further later) not only for ruining my life, but undoubtedly hundreds of thousands of other vulnerable young girls and boys out there. It honestly pains me to think of young girls even today, stumbling across such disgusting websites and developing the same issues that I have.

The people who begin these horrific websites fall into two categories- 1) sufferers of anorexia, who are usually recovering and are looking for other people in the same situation to talk to, who get warped in by the disgusting hideous monsters of the second category- 2) horrific trolls who are incredibly sad, pathetic people with an obsession with thin girls (may I add, studies show such monsters are usually overweight themselves) and use this community as a way to feed their sick obsession. I don't blame either one of the two people- both stereotypes are suffering undoubtedly from mental issues and illnesses, I quite frankly blame social media for allowing such things.

Eating disorders are developed by the brain. It is not something you choose. This seems unknown to so many people. And eating disorder is a mental illness, which is usually triggered by things like wanting control, self hatred, low self esteem and loneliness. Things like pro Ana only further and deepen this illness, and trick sufferers into thinking that what they are doing to themselves Is healthy, normal and right. Not to mention, causing many vulnerable young people who don't know better to try things out like fasting and purging for themselves.

This has to stop. How many more lives need to be ruined before these websites are shut down? How many more young girls need to die before the government realises just how preventable eating disorders can be? When is enough truly enough?

If only big websites like tumblr and twitter were to abolish the 'pro ana' tag forever. Would it really be so hard? Why can websites like blogger and word press make it easier for complaints to be formed, and take complaints more seriously in ways that involve taking steps to shut down dangerous websites?

20% of people with eating disorders die from their eating disorder, not to mention the countless number of sufferers who become infertile and die young

In my eyes, people need to realise exactly what is happening. I can bet you any amount of money that parents (even my own parents, who know the struggles I have been through) have no clue what damaging material is out there and how easy it is to come across. If every adult in this country was aware exactly how bad it is, I guarantee we would have less of a problem.

So I'm asking you to do something about this. Blog about this issue, write a letter of complaint, YouTube a video response about it, talk to someone about it. If we could make 100 more people aware of this issue, then the first step would have been taken towards tackling this scary problem that so many innocent young people are facing today. If you have read this blog post and support my wish, then please take the time out of your day to sign my petition. It is quick, easy, anonymous and best of all FREE, and means more then you can imagine to me as I really feel it could make a difference. You can find it here. Thank you so much if you do :) Now, before it becomes too late to change anything. Deaths from eating disorders ARE  preventable.

Thanks for reading, and for your continued support xox

Thursday, March 28, 2013

1st ever qoute day thursday!

I've decided to start a new regular feature! It's going to be every Thursday, and I'm going to share with you some of my favourite quotes!

Most of them are from tumblr, and the perks of being a wallflower. Personally, I adore quotes. There seems to be one out there for every mood and emotion, and I'm hoping this feature will be a place where I can reflect upon that! So, without further ado, here's my first three quotes!

I have this picture up in my room. When somethings not going to great at home or at school, and I feel like it's the end of the world, looking at this always gives me a more positive outlook which I find amazing!

I can remember reading this paragraph in the perks of being a wallflower for the first time. From that moment on, I will easily say I've looked at life in a different light. It is a quote that reminds me that what is happening to me now, will be so different to whats happening to me in 5, 10,15 years time. Every moment will pass, and become a memory no matter how big or small. How magical is that? This morning, my alarm clock went of at half past six as it does every school day. In that moment, is was the most annoying thing ever. But as a memory, it is full of relief and reflection. I had a great last day at school which was very eventful, and full of moments which are now memories. And that all happened because of one moment where I woke up when my alarm clock wen off and I was annoyed. And so on. So that is truly magical in my eyes- how every memory you have was once a moment, every picture that you look at was once happening to the people in it. The people in those pictures weren't always a picture- they were once a bunch of people having fun or posing awkwardly. And now, those moments are stories and memories.

That quote really opened up my mind in a whole new way. I now question everything so much more, and put so much thought into things. It's brilliant!

Another quote that makes me realise that me being unhappy is not the end of the world, and is not going to last forever. Pretty self explanatory :)

Thanks for reading, let me know if you've enjoyed the new feature!!xox


I've had my fair share of ups and downs for the past three years. That is, to put it quite simply. But lately, I've really discovered true happiness I think, as cheesy as it sounds. It's made me realise just how much I've been missing out on by being miserable! I've also realised that I've had a lot of moments where I thought I was happy, but really, I wasn't. Close maybe, but not properly happy.

Since I've started diving basically, I have been on a massive high. The addition of proper exercise into my life has really had a positive effect on me, and I've also started eating healthily and properly! I had really gotten out of the habit of eating breakfast, but after a chat and some suggestions with my amazing mum (who shares the same dilemma!)we both decided that we would eat a bowl of yogurt and granola each morning, and we've stuck to it! I also have some seeded bread with flora, and a glass or two of orange juice. The difference it has made in me has been amazing- I start the day off feeling great and it just carries on!

I've also been bringing in fruit salad and then an apple or a pear to school, and then having another yogurt whenever I get home. So, I've managed to increase my calcium, vitamin c, fibre and fruit intake without and difficult, major changes!

Another contribution to my overall 'happiness' has been not having my phone. I really broke the cycle of my problem that I was having with constantly social networking and texting (I might do a post on this but I'm not too sure yet!) It was really nice to not always feel the need to be on my phone! I have it back now, and I know it's not as bad anymore but I do feel as if I am slightly slipping back into my 'old ways'. But i have recognised this, and so I'm going to work on it over the Easter break.

As part of this, I feel like I've been able to be a lot more open to my parents. No more lying and keeping secrets with them, I'm trying hard to come to my mum when I h
ave a problem and spend more time just generally talking with them both :) And I know this may be nerdy or cheesy or whatever, but i feel like it really is a lot better that way.

So, areas I've improved in are
  • Eating
  • Exercising
  • Healthier living
  • Social networking
  • Communicating and being more open with my family
Areas that I'm targeting to improve next are
  • Drinking more water
  • School- My grades, the effort I put in and my behaviour in general
So only two targets, as well as 'reinforcing' the other changes I've made recently.

I really think it's good to try and aim to make some changes for the better in your life. After all, you cant expect positive differences to happen unless you take a step towards achieving them! I also think that by me documenting things like this on here, it will help me to keep on track as well as maybe giving you ideas!

So thanks for reading, I hope Ive inspired you to make some healthier lifestyle choices :)

Saturday, March 16, 2013

The perks of being a wallflower

I think that every teenage girl should read at least one book from the age of 13-19. And by one book, i mean one GOOD book. Books have the power to change a tiny little piece of the world, and to me that is truly magical. Call me a nerd here, but I love reading. Ever since i was born I've basically been into books- literally, my parents used to read to me frequently and it's something that I've just grown up with.

So back to my one book thought- I think that the perks of being a wallflower is that one book. The one book that, given to the right person, has the power to change a life.

Until I read the perks, I didn't really have a 'favourite' book. Long story short-I'm very indecisive. To be honest with you, I don't really have a favourite anything. So up until that point, my 'favourite' book was probably to kill a mockingbird, or maybe my sisters keeper.

The difference is, neither of those books have made me thing in the way that the perks of being a wallflower did. There are just so many quotes, so many life lessons and thought provoking sentences within that book. It's truly magical.

I am yet to watch the film- but I don't think any filmmaker could capture the images provoked by Stephen chbosky in the perks of being a wallflower. I don't think any film could even half justify this amazing book.

In short, it is amazing. I urge you to go to the library right this moment and read it!